You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
