Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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