coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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