he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
