how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
