yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
