I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
