dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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