somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
