Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
