Nicole vs. Life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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