He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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