Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
