nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
