Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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