this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
