So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
