Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
