I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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