Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
two words...techno handjob
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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