omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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