Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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