our cab driver is having phone sex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
