I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
