Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
