Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
