My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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