I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
