just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
