i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
