I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
