ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
