your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
