u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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