The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
