forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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