For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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