I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
