She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
