So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
