The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
