i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
