Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
