I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
