I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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