There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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