did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
