it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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