having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
