she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
