Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
do nipples grow back?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
