WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
