I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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