Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
