Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
