i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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