Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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