i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
