Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love accidental penises.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
