Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
