Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to fling myself into the sun
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
