I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
