Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
