It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
