i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i drank out of a bidet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
