The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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