Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
